And another thing…

As many people have observed, I have a rare genetic deformity commonly called “monkey arms”. These monkey arms, while not entirely debilitating, have a tendency to jut out a little from the cuffs when I'm forced to wear normal non-monkey-people shirts.
In an attempt to keep my milky white arms decently covered, I went shopping online at what I prefer to call a tall man store. (*Note the red text.* For reasons that should be obvious, I have made a conscious choice not to refer to said store as: “a big and tall store called King-Size Whoa. King Size is admittedly more accurate, but clearly ranks higher on my personal shame scale

I found a couple of reasonably priced oxfords with 37” sleeves (Maroon and tan in color if you must know.) and placed the order.

Two weeks later, a large blue package arrived

And this is what it contained!



What in Sam-He** is that? Instead of a maroon shirt I got a light pink one and instead of a tan shirt I got one shiny turquoise pair of the snazziest pants ever made! It is hands-down the worst outfit that I have ever had in my possession! (well, top three.)

"Comic GOLD?" you ask? You'd better believe it sister!

Where do you suppose the so-called “tall man” store dug up this double-button-fly polyester delight? Honestly, Was HG Wells involved? The photo doesn’t do the pants justice as the turquoise coloring gives off a slight glow in low lighting. Not to mention that the blatant omission of pockets of any kind screams Sexxy (Sexy with 2 X’s and the y pronounced "eh") My only regret is that the 20” waist prevents me from heaving them over my muscular physique and wearing them to the mall.

Shop King Size! You never know what you’re going to get! (Or maybe you do)