So I was cleaning off my desk this morning and I found some documentation of a rather banner day that I experienced several years ago. I think that it should be documented officially here. (see below.)
10/22/2006 Today I discovered that I have somehow developed a super power!
Before I go into the origin of my newfound power, I have a concern about my potential new responsibilities. I am obviously faced with an important thing to consider here- Protection of my soon to be secret identity. The identity itself is gravy. I’ve got the nerdy ladyfriend-free persona down to a science. It’s the outfit that I’m most nervous about. Do I make a beeline to the spandex store? Considering my slightly underwhelming physique I’m a little bit concerned about the impact that such a display might have on my future fans. (I suppose that in a pinch, I could use those fantastic turquoise pants from a few posts ago but I’d probably have to tape them on.)
So you’re dying to know what my power is right? Is it the power of flight? Super strength? No, (but to be fair, I have tested each of those powers multiple times with varying and painful results). No,my newfound super power is much more subtle.
Ready?
I have the supreme ability to gain or lose up to 10 pounds in a matter of seconds. (Insert dramatic "ta da" crescendo here)
I discovered this magical ability while weighing myself on an old bathroom scale that I recently received as a hand-me-down from my Grandma Fern. It's amazing! Every time I get on it I weigh something different! Most people would assume that the scale is broken, but those are people with absolutely no imagination. Actually, for all of you unbelievers, I tested the scale with a 20lb dumbbell and it was dead-on-balls accurate.
So far, the only implementation ideas that I have been able to come up with involve really specific scenarios with overcrowded elevators and teeter totter solos, but I’m sure that with a little creativity I can someday save the world.
3 comments:
Words cannot express the flutter of excitement generated by your post on Jimmy James's blog. We are glad you are still alive and still as fantastic as ever. We would love to hear from you and perhaps even become reacquainted during a night of merriment. Perhaps?
Maddy, Stan, Brandon, Andrea, Rachel, Randy, Samuel, and Z.
Madeline Rhododendron Tribly-Adams?
Gad Zooks woman! It's been years! I am indeed still alive, much to the chagrin of my varied and evil nemeses. I have been known to make merry on occasion. What did you and all of your cohorts have in mind?
So I have talked with my cohorts, and we have a few ideas. Please email me (you can do that through my blogger profile), and we can take this to the next level.
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