A Pixie Stick Continuation

So I didn’t cover the complete gambit of my experience with pixie sticks earlier and I feel that it’s my duty (Haha! “dooty”) to complete the post. There’s a reason, but it’s boring and I’m not going to tell you about it. We’ll just call it a two-parter and none of you will ever speak of this again.

First of all – after presenting Carol with an Easter basket containing a rather pathetic amount of pixie sticks (See 4/24/09 for a full confession outlining my rather unfortunate pre Easter binge) I decided that I was not entirely finished with the forbidden dust. My lunch hour on the Monday following Easter was spent on a quest for more of those tasty little straws and as always, the Chesterfield Maverick was all too happy to accommodate my self destructive needs. Upon returning to work I settled into what I imagined was going to be a pleasant, fun, and Pixie-filled afternoon.

I threw back a few… Shared some with a couple of close friends and then settled in for another not-so-proud 15 minutes of hard pixie straw consumption. After a while I began to sound like I had a mouth full of saltines. I can only assume that my blood sugar eventually reached a record high because at one point I managed to surprise myself.

Note: For those of you who don’t know, it’s harder than you might think to surprise yourself. You see… You know all of your secrets. Any element of planning inevitably ruins the surprise so you never really know when you’re going to catch yourself off guard. Trust me I’m a professional; I surprise myself all the time. If you’re interested in a surprise of your own, I recommend consuming about 35 little paper straws full of flavored sugar. It worked for me.

I was busy throwing caution to the wind with sugar straws when the aforementioned surprise occurred. I confess, I was caught totally unprepared for the repercussions (By “Throwing caution to the wind” I mean that I was attempting to pour 2 pixie sticks into my mouth simultaneously; one in each hand like some sort of maniac.) Sure it was reckless and stupid, but I have a reputation to uphold. We all know that if any of my many female admirers thought that I was a Pixie stick sipper, I’d look weak and they’d lose all respect for me.
Anyway I lost my grip on Pixie stick #2, missed my mouth entirely and shot pixie dust into my face and up my nose. So surprised was I, to be suddenly covered in tasty magical dust that I inhaled sharply… Aaaand sucked the contents of the Pixie Stick #1 into my lungs.

You’ve never felt such a burn.

It sent me into such a tizzy of laughing, coughing and weeping that I frightened several of my co-workers who, I’m sure, thought I had finally lost it. It took about 5 minutes before I was sure that I was not going to die (What a way to go though!) and I somehow managed to sputter my way back to work.

Stay tuned for a future post that just occurred to me. I intend to title it “Duties that I do, do.”